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Am I alone?

College. In those six letters an idea has popped in to your head. Whether that be partying at a frat house, meeting a ton of new friends in classes and the dorm rooms, to kissing a random guy you just met. There’s a ton of scenarios that could’ve ran through your head, but they’ll all include one thing: people. College is all about expanding your horizons and meeting new people, finding out new things about yourself and realizing that there are so many different perspectives in the world.

As a current college sophomore, I must tell you, I did not have the “typical” freshman year. It was not weekends filled with parties and mornings groaning because my head was pounding. It’s hard making friends that don’t want to do the typical party scene. People in my hall – the loud ones – were the ones that went out, so I didn’t see the girls that were choosing to stay in, because they were already hidden in their rooms, or had gone to friends’ rooms to do the same thing. In class I would sit by someone new, sure, and introduce myself. But sometimes it wouldn’t get very far past a polite conversation about where they’re from, or what the homework was for the class.

Eventually I met a few girls who liked staying in. But some of them like to go back home on weekends, one of them transferred schools after a semester, and another has other friends she likes to hang out with. I didn’t want to start clinging to anyone; it wasn’t like I had claim to them. We have only been friends for such a short period of time. So there are some times that I would just sit in my room on weekends, my roommate would be out, and there I would be, deciding on whether or not to watch netflix, clean my room, or just go to bed. It wasn’t a very happy time in my life.

So now I’m a sophomore. Things should be different, right? I should’ve made a whole bunch of friends, have one or two best friends who I could tell anything to, that sort of thing. Well…that’s not exactly the case. Yes I know more people. Yes I feel more comfortable with myself than ever before. But the fact of the matter is, I still don’t want to go out and party. And at my school, it’s a little uncommon to not want to.

I’m the type of girl who wants to stay in and learn Alphabet Aerobics by Blacklicious. (Hey, if Harry Potter can do it, why not give it a shot?) I’m the type of girl who wants to stay in and watch Youtube videos to try and learn more songs to play on my ukulele. I’m the type of girl who wants to stay in to work on perfecting my bullet journal. I’m the type of girl who wants to stay in to be able to wake up early enough to go to the local farmer’s market. I’m the type of girl who wants to stay in to go watch the stars as they unapologetically shine for the world. I’m happy with who I am. Truly. I just wish sometimes that I didn’t feel so alone.

I’m always looking forward to my future, leaving college, getting married one day, having my own kids; and maybe I get wrapped up in it too much. But I know that I am not for the typical college scene. There’s more for me out there. It’s just not very fun to me. This year it is my goal to meet more people who share my interests. Because nights like these when my roommate leaves to go meet some friends who enjoy going out, and I’m in my room, deciding whether to re-watch Friends for the 6th time or start the new season of Young & Hungry, I feel alone. I feel like I’m the only one who feels like this. I know I’m not. But it doesn’t help when I don’t physically see those others who also feel alone.

In the end though, I know I’m not alone. God is always with me. It may not help much sometimes, but it is reassuring. One thing I’ve always heard is that God has 3 answers to your prayers: “Yes,” “Not yet,” or “I have something better in mind.” When I’m praying to God, asking for him to bring amazing people in to my life who know his overwhelming grace and goodness, I know that He is giving me one of those three answers. I may feel alone at times, but God always walks ahead, next to, behind, and with me. He’s there to listen to me and understand my pain. I’ll leave you with this verse.

 

Deuteronomy 31:6
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, 
for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."

 

 

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