Life isn’t perfect. Days can go by and you feel as if nothing can go right. This week was the second week of classes, and I was already feeling overwhelmed. It’s not that I couldn’t handle the amount of work; I could. It’s just that I didn’t want to. I just wasn’t emotionally or physically ready to put that much time and effort in to my education again. Man, do I sound spoiled. I get to go to college, and get an amazing education, and I’m complaining about it.
Part of it isn’t the school itself though. I almost look forward to going to class. Because that means routine. I get up, get myself ready, walk out the door, walk to class with hundreds of other students, and sit in class amongst my peers. I get to interact with others without having to force myself totally out of my comfort zone. It’s not that I’m shy, it’s just that I feel uncomfortable walking up to a stranger and starting a conversation. That’s part of the reason why I don’t have 20 million friendships from last year. But I have some good ones. Unfortunately, I’m one of my friends that lives the furthest away, meaning I go home less, and stay at school more on the weekends. This leaves me with a lot of free time. When Saturday morning roles around, I definitely don’t want to start getting down to business and whipping through my homework; even though that’s what I should be doing.
So last night, Friday, I made a plan for myself. I would not spend my Saturday morning in my room mulling around, maybe cleaning up, or getting ready for a lone-Target run via the bus system. At 9:30 this morning, I slowly opened my eyes after sleeping in for the first time in a week. I allowed myself one Casey Neistat video, then promptly rolled out of bed. A quick swipe of mascara and concealer and I was a fresh face. I packed up my backpack, threw on cropped leggings and a hoodie, and I was out the door. I felt fearless, free, not afraid to take on the world! I strived confidently, knowing where I was going, not ashamed of being alone.
ok…I have to admit. I wasn’t 100% confident, or 100% fearless. But that’s ok. I was doing it!
I was on my way. I was taking care of my own happiness. I was taking charge, not allowing myself to be stuck in the dark depths of sadness and loneliness just because my friends didn’t want to go out or they went home for the weekend. Stopping by the local farmer’s market to admire all the fresh vegetables, have a bite of corn tortilla with pineapple salsa, and to pick myself up a dazzling bouquet of flowers, I was proud of myself. I even saw a friend on my walk over! I give all my glory to God. I would not have been able to do it without Him. I knew that He was with me, and that the only acceptance I needed was His. I wasn’t afraid of anyone’s judgments if they saw my walking by myself. I was creating my own joy. That’s the most important part. Now here I am, sitting at a cafe with my smoothie and flowers, admiring the local festival happening on the street in front of me. I’m off to explore! Maybe I’ll see more people I know, or maybe not. The important thing is that I did it through Him. I found my joy. Go out and find your joy! Don’t be afraid to be joyful, just because others don’t want to join you. Your happiness is important.