Time seems to stand still while you’re waiting for life to change. You’ll want to freeze time. In this instant, right here right now, because it feels so good. You don’t want it to end. To savor it, ingrain every detail into your mind so you can always come back to it, like it’s never truly over.
Or maybe, you want this time SO DESPERATELY TO BE over. The pain seeps in to you and all you can do is rock with the motion, trembling with agony. Let this be over! To reach out and press the fast forward button, close your eyes and wait until the train hurtles off the tracks.
I want to know what makes time tick. Do the clocks control time? Because time always seems to be going too fast when I’m enjoying pleasant company. The hours tick by like seconds when I’m with the right person. Or I’m driving to something important; time seems to slip between my fingers like slimy glue. I can’t hold it, can’t make it stop.
Time seemed to stop when my parents announced to my brother and I that they were getting a divorce. Everything seemed to stop. That moment is stuck, lodged inside my brain like a piece of lettuce between the teeth. I want to erase it; pick at that piece of lettuce until the taste of the bitter salad has disappeared.
All the tears in my life, pain, suffering, even that time at the junior prom when nobody asked me to slow dance.
I can do without it all.
I will throw away my clocks. I don’t want time to control me.
IG – @grateful.grace
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