#writing · Photography · Travel · Uncategorized

Faking It

Growing up is hard. when you’re six years old, all you want is to be an adult, drive a car, have independence, and be your own person. Let me tell you, it’s difficult. Here I am, a twenty year old -gulp- woman. If you had asked me when I was thirteen years old, experiencing crushes for the first time, acne, crazy friendship drama, if THIS is what I expected 20 to look like, … this would not have been it.

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I always looked up to girls older than me, (literally and figuratively) and thought they had it all together. They walked with such elegance and confidence, I didn’t know how I would get there. I wanted to be just like those girls that were surrounded by tons of friends, laughing with music blared, windows down on the highway, sipping coffee and discussing latest “cool-adult-thing”. I wanted to be an amalgam of all of it. Cool, collected, wild, intelligent, artsy. Overall, I wanted friendships that helped me flourish.

Moving soon into my 21st season of life, it seems that a lot of it is faking it. Not by being a fake person or being pretentious in any way, but by putting on a smile, laughing, knowing that it will all be alright eventually, and moving forward. Putting one foot in front of the other, and trusting in God, that He has everything worked out. I might not always have all of the confidence in the world, but if I pray to God, tell myself to fake my confidence for a moment, I find that I come out more surprised with my capabilities than I had thought.

I know what you might be thinking; what is she talking about? “Faking” it? I in no way am saying change your personality, or literally push yourself to be around others you don’t enjoy hanging out with, just to try and “make it.” I am 100% being true to yourself and finding friends that fit who you truly are. Trust me, I’ve faked it in the wrong way and had to walk away from people who did not support me or who were true friends. This fake it attitude is simply a way to throw away the feelings of insignificance, or doubting that you are capable of joining in.

Because truthfully, you are not faking it. In that moment, you are more you than ever. You are letting yourself shine, and giving yourself permission to do so. It seems to be a way to trick your brain, and your conscience, into believing that you are worthy. It’s not something that needs to be faked; you ARE worthy of love, friendship, companionship, and so many more things.

So that’s my thoughts on this rainy, slightly chilly Sunday afternoon. I’m finishing typing this up in my favorite coffee shop, and want to give you all a big hug. I hope you have a great day, and if you have to, fake it for a bit. But remember, it’s allowing your true self to shine through!

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